Coming Out Of The Closet

For people that know me well, when my dogs have health issues, I prefer to be alone and I not to talk about it. I am most comfortable just being with my dogs and my family while I work through "things". That's just the way I cope with it all.

Because people cared so much and were asking, I was able to pull myself out of my comfort zone and post a note on Facebook to describe what happened on May 2nd after returning home from a herding trial in the Milwaukee area. Reason had 4 grand mal seizures (midnight, 2pm, 8pm, and 10pm). The 10pm seizure was the very last one he had and has not had one since then. Except for a few people, I never spoke about what was diagnosed from the MRI that was done on May 4th.

This blog entry is to explain what happened and to thank all the wonderful friends I have here in Minnesota and all around the country for caring so much about me and about Reason. I got so many messages of support and positive energy from people, I couldn't possibly respond to everyone. The dog community can overwhelm me with emotion as to how much they really care about other people and dogs - it's like a strong family that supports and respects each other and I am so proud to be a part of it all.

During the MRI, the neurologists at the University of Minnesota found a small mass in the left frontal lobe, which was now causing him to have problems with his right side and lots of ataxia. There was a small amount of edema surrounding the mass. Options were given to me - do nothing and he would have 1-2 months. Surgery and he would have 1 - 1 1/2 years. Side affects from surgery might involve a slight head tilt to the left and inflammation to the left eye. With a radiation treatment, he would have 1 - 1 1/2 years, with the exception that there are only 2/3 of masses that respond to radiation. 1/3 of them will not respond. Also, radiation would involve 3 or 4 weeks of treatments (radiation apparently has very little affects on dog being treated for a tumor in the head). The neurologist felt that the mass was meningioma, which is a benign/slow growing tumor.

I was fortunate enough to have some time in order to make a decision. Reason was stable and functional - just having difficulties with balance and ataxia, but was happy and vibrant. Dogs are amazing in how they adapt to what is presented to them physically - they never complain, they just move on. I constantly assessed his attitude and his will to continue and by the end of two weeks, there was no doubt in my mind that Reason wanted to continue to share this life with me in the physical world. Dr. Audrey DeClue, who has been responsible for keeping Reason and my other dogs physically able to continue to run in agility was an amazing support resource and friend as I talked to her almost daily on the phone over these last weeks (and this with her busy equine schedule travelling around the country).  She also saw him the weekend after the MRI to evaluate him. She did some research for me and helped me make my decision. I was also able to discuss this with one of my obedience students, who is a retired neurologist and he also helped me understand the process and verified my decision to do the surgery. In people, this is totally curable.

So, on Tuesday, May 17th, I dropped Reason off for the surgery, which was completed around 12:30. The surgeon was very happy with how it went and was able to get it all - along with some normal tissue as part of the mass went a bit deep. The mass was not part of the brain. Now it was just waiting to see how he would respond neurologically coming out of surgery. Reason always has issues coming out of anesthesia in that he comes out fast, but he remains anxious, whiny, impatient, and does not like to be confined so he vocalizes. He won't rest and won't lay down until his body just makes him collapse from being overtired. This usually goes on until 2 days after anesthesia. The neurologist was impressed and amazed at how quickly he recovered from  the surgery. He was responsive, alert, and everything was working from a neurological standpoint, except some normal weakness from the surgery.

I went to visit him on Wednesday evening and I wasn't prepared to see so much of his face having been shaved. But I was thinking the incision would look much worse than it did - it looked wonderful and it was already healing. I was able to see the MRI (really cool techy stuff) and it made me so grateful to have such an amazing resource that we have here in Minnesota with the University of Minnesota Veterinary Medical School.

On Thursday, after talking to the neurologist in the morning, I was told that Reason could come home that afternoon. When I went to pick him up, he looked SO GOOD and really wanted to go home. There was no head tilt, no inflammation to the left eye, and the ataxia appears to be gone and his right side is working better. Now we start the healing process that is the most difficult one for all people with high drive dogs - keeping him quiet so that the incision and the surgery site can heal properly. Score and Schema have been so good about leaving him alone and still treating him with respect. Reason remains his bright and happy self as he adapts to the after effects of the surgery.

When I came home, I was so touched by my good friend and Reason's breeder, Janice DeMello as she made this video tribute to Reason. She used the song that I posted in yesterday's blog and put together some great memories of us from over the years. While the video made me cry (again), it also made me smile as I can see how blessed I am to have been able to share my life with this amazing little being that has touched my soul forever.


Jan describes this video, "This video is in honor of Nancy Little's brave boy Hob Nob Meant To Be aka Reason after he underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor on May 17, 2011." If the video doesn't work below, here is a direct link: Click here to go directly to video on YouTube.

And because the video shows some photos of his incision just after surgery, I wanted to show Jan how well he was doing after he came home, so I include that video here for you to see as well. This is classic Reason, except with a facial hair cut. This is about 54 hours after his surgery.

So, while I went into a lot of detail through this experience of mine with Reason, I know you will understand that I will now want to move on from what is now "ancient history" to me. I am no longer focusing on what happened, I have now moved into looking at all the good times we are going to have ahead of us. Reason is my inspiration as he is strong, vibrant, full of life, and always having a good time. We should all live life like that.

Love you ALWAYS Reas!!

I Won't Let Go

Thank you Tanya for sending me this song. It made me cry...crying is good for the soul because it cleanses the spirit and can put things into perspective. I am back to smiling again with a new found determination - just like Reason.

Made Me Smile

"Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want."

--- Abraham and Esther Hicks

It was finally summer in Minnesota today. What a glorious day. As I took Reason out to potty this morning, he caught a whiff of something near the tree he was about to pee on and when I looked, I saw a healthy little tree frog just sitting there taking in the warmth of the day. That put a smile on my face.

Tree frog in the front yard 

Later on in the day, I set up two Susan Salo grids from one of her "Repeaters seminars" to run Score and Schema on. It was a grid that both of them had issues with in the past because of the spacing - Schema has had an issue compressing from extension and Score has had an issue extending from compression. I ran that grid hard with Score and he was fluid and strong. That put a smile on my face.


Schema did the sequence beautifully - even the parts she usually has difficulty with. So, I changed the height of two of the jumps from 22 (which is what she always jumps in practice) to 24". Schema had some initial issues in the section that she has had in the past with that height change. She got herself too close to the jump after the double and then tried to lift her head to get her body over the next jump. She is so athletic that this can sometimes save her jumps, but I don't want her doing that because that just means she is not reading her jumps correctly and jumping with poor form. That is wear and tear on her body. I want fluid, proper jumping from her. I added a foot in the compression section after the double and placed a diagonal bar in front of the jump that she had issues with. When I added that foot and the diagonal on the next jump, she jumped that sequence beautifully. I took away the diagonal bar and she did it nicely again. Then I put the jumps back to the initial spacing without that extra twelve inches and it was still good. These kinds of sessions where I can get her to figure it out on her own really make me smile.


Then, I got Reason out while I put away all the jumps. He is such an amazing dog. With all he's been through, he is still having the time of his life. He was doing his floating trot and smiling through that gray face of him. Demanding that I kick the toy. Living life to the fullest. THAT REALLY MADE ME SMILE!!

Kick that toy!

Relaxing in the hot weather

I want that toy!

Love you Reas!

Perfect Thought For The Day

"We practice the Art of Allowing. Which means reaching for the thought that feels best, not the thought that is the real thought, not the thought that is telling it like it is. Telling it like it is only holds you where it is: "Damn it, I'm going to tell it like it is. I'm going to tell it like it is, because everybody wants me to tell it like it is." Tell it like it is if you like it like it is. But if you don't like it like it is, then don't tell it like it is—tell it like you want it to be. If you tell it like you want it to be long enough, you will begin to feel it like you want it to be. And when you feel it like you want it to be, it be's like you want it to be."
~Abraham and Esther Hicks

The World

To the world you are a dog. But to me you are the WORLD.

More Photos From Iowa

I got these wonderful photos from Tammy Etscheidt, who was also taking photos at the Tracy Sklenar seminar. How lucky we were to have two talented photographers that weekend.

I love the expression in Schema's face as she is going over this jump.

Photo by Tammy Etscheidt

Then there are these cool photos that Tammy took when I was working Score on the yearlings in one of the large pastures on Saturday. It was so much fun being out there in the sunshine with green grass all around us.

This one was quite obviously when I sent him for an outrun - oh, the joy in his face!! 

Score - sending on an outrun
Photo by Tammy Etscheidt

Then this awesome photo of him fetching the sheep after picking them up at the top.

Score - fetching the yearlings
Photo by Tammy Etscheidt

And this one of Score getting them to me. These sheep had not been worked by dogs and this was about as close as they were going to get to me. Score did a great job working them. So proud of him.

Score
Photo by Tammy Etscheidt

Thanks Tammy for the awesome photos!

Tracy Sklenar seminar

Photo by Ami Shefield

I can't remember enjoying an agility seminar as much as I did this past Easter weekend with Tracy Sklenar, hosted by Christy Thomas at her 50 acre farm about 10 miles north of Council Bluffs, IA. Christy was an amazing hostess as she was also lambing at the same time (along with a few challenges that go along with this) she kept smiling all weekend.

Tracy is so patient, yet so inspiring with all the working teams. I could hear her repeating the same things over and over in order to convey concepts that were important for each team. Yet, she kept demonstrating and communicating with the same passion and perkiness and humor. She is by far my favorite agility seminar presenter because of this - if something bothers her, it goes completely unnoticed. She makes people feel important and worth the extra attention to detail and she puts people at ease by remembering their names as well as their dog's names.

Friday morning we were indoors for the Masters seminar because of the wind and the cool weather. But the afternoon session had us outdoors in the bright sunshine on plush green grass with lovely temps in the 60's - perfect weather for working the dogs.

Schema jumping indoors in the barn
Photo by Ami Shefield

Saturday, I had the day off as it was the ABC's of handling, which was specifically for learning the handling system and more for Novice dogs. Anyone that had a working spot throughout the four days, could audit free on any of the other days, which was a wonderful additional benefit of attending this seminar. Auditing and reviewing some of the basic handling was wonderful for me as I was able to pick up some of the finer points of the handling as was demonstrated by Tracy.

On Saturday, Christy was nice enough to sort out 6 of her yearling Cheviots into one of her large pastures. These sheep had not been worked much by dogs, so I was able to work Score twice on Saturday gathering them. It was a wonderful experience because it was a new field, with different draws and sheep that were very light, so he had to figure it all out. He made some mistakes at first, but he was doing some great outruns and gathers after he figured it out.

Monday was European Day with courses that had lots of back sides of jumps and very tight wraps and turns through tight boxes of jumps. Schema did a great job and showed that she has lots of great skills as a young dog. Most of the homework I took home to work on were handling weaknesses or new/better skills that I need to work on (love this stuff!):

1) Be more aggressive with my threadles and serpentines
2) Do the change of arm in the serpentines and threadles WHEN they are needed instead of trying to get to perfect serp and threadle position.
3) Continue to move when I'm doing a serpentine and keep my feet pointed in that direction
4) Take big steps when doing muliple serps or threadles, rather than the smaller steps I was taking
4) Change my footwork for the threadle, so I can move up the course faster
5) Use more acceleration (even if it's briefly) so I can show deceleration.
6) "Punch" those tight wraps with the same arm when in position at the jump
7) Use lots of motion forward with the same arm and leg near the dog to get a good threadle push through
8) Use spacial awareness information Tracy provided when walking a course to ensure I know where to drive out of my front crosses.

Serpentine
Photo by Ami Shefield

Some of the skills I need to work with Schema are:
1) More rewards at my front crosses to put more value into driving to me (she is driving her line and sometimes forgetting about that)
2) More independent 270's or back side of the jump

I'm looking forward to going back to Christy's in September for another weekend of Masters/European Day with Tracy.

Thanks to Ami Shefield for taking photos all weekend of the dogs working. She got some great ones of Schema...and what's up with this one? I guess I'm thinking about all the handling skills I need to work on when I get home.

Photo by Ami Shefield

Schema
Photo by Ami Shefield

Schema
Photo by Ami Shefield

Rewarding Schema with a good tugging session
Photo by Ami Shefield

Driving off the start line
Photo by Ami Shefield

Schema sliding teeter
Photo by Ami Shefield

Awesome slide teeter
Photo by Ami Shefield

Photo by Ami Shefield

Appreciation and Allowing

Score - I appreciate and love his effort
"Image by GreatDanePhotos Copyright 2010
(www.greatdanephotos.com) used with permission"

I've been thinking about this topic for a while, but Stacy Peardot-Goudy's recent blog entry on just saying "Thank you" really prompted me to finish my thoughts in writing. If you get a chance, read her blog as a background by clicking here.

It's true that plenty of people have difficulty accepting compliments. It's human nature to put ourselves down for various reasons - especially when someone we respect tells us that we just did something wonderful (could it be true?). Many times coming out of the ring, we tend to reflect only on the disappointment of not getting the almighty qualifying score, when there are just so many other small successes (even HUGE successes) that need to be recognized out on the course or in the run. Because it tends to be human nature to reflect on the negativity and failures, many times it can be difficult to really see those small successes. This is precisely why I highly recommend getting all of your runs (obedience, herding, agility) on video tape. Yes, it is an inconvenience at times, but if you are diligent about looking at all aspects of your run - not just the fact that something happened that you did not like - you will continue to grow as a handler as well as a person. It can take some effort and some training to try and find something good in a run that feels like a failure to you, but it's all about progress. And part of the progress is trying to find the successes as well as the "homework" in each and every run.

Everyone - even the best trainers/handlers like Terry Smorch and Stacy Goudy go home with more homework. Even in the qualifying performances, they will find personal successes as well as homework and ways to improve performance. They are inspired by homework - not deflated or feeling like failures because of it. You see rare times when they have a major failure, but when it happens they push past it and realize the lesson or another opportunity to improve. Failure or mistakes should inspire you, not make you crazy or upset.

But this isn't the reason why I am writing this - Stacy covered this topic, quite well. I just want to take the subject of accepting a compliment a little further and coming from the opposite side. Giving compliments and/or appreciation of others.

Reason - I appreciating being able to run him at 11 years of age
"Image by GreatDanePhotos Copyright 2010
(www.greatdanephotos.com) used with permission"

There are plenty of people that I highly respect as trainers and handlers - like Stacy and Terry. They set an example as high caliber trainers and exhibitors in more ways than others - not just because they are on top of their game, but also because of the way they treat other people. When either of them sees a performance or even something within a run that is spectacular, they will both make an effort to tell that individual (stranger or friend/peer) that they loved what they saw. To me, appreciation and giving compliments is just as important (if not more important) than accepting compliments. That is because it comes from within...and when you appreciate or love something, it makes you feel better and you become a better person for it. There are a few high caliber trainers that only give compliments to their students (or people attending their seminars) or to their peers. I'm not sure why that is, but whatever the reason, it is a self limiting behavior and only holds them back. I think one of the most liberating behaviors is getting into the mode of appreciating and "allowing" others to do things differently.

Whether or not the person accepts the compliment is actually their own personal issue that they have to work through (been there myself at one time). Finding fault or taking something personal because an individual chooses differently than what you would is inhibiting. Sometimes people need to make a few mistakes in order to get to a place in their life where they can actually see the benefit of what someone else might be telling them. Or who's to say that maybe that person is just comfortable doing things their way and it just feels right to them. It's more important for people to feel good about what they are doing, than to be convinced to change. And it's up to us as individuals to find a way to feel good - rather than relying on compliments or support from others.

It is far better to have different training and handling styles and methods so as to enjoy diversity and motivate change. Observing handlers and trainers doing things differently can be inspiring and can allow new ideas to be recognized and realized. At one time no one trained or wanted to train running contacts and there were many good reasons stated by some of the best trainers in this country. That didn't stop a few people who were inspired and motivated within and decided to do things differently by taking a different journey. They were willing to make mistakes along the way and adapted and set forth changes because of those failures. Now, seeing a gorgeous running dog walk is a thing of beauty, when it is trained and handled properly. All because someone appreciated and loved something and was focused on doing what felt right to them - even amongst any and all criticisms from the standpoint of consistency in handling and training it.

Schema - I love and appreciating her amazing contacts
(photo by Kim Schaefer)

Whenever I start to feel upset about something, I will try find some kind of way to appreciate - anything. Even by looking or focusing on something completely different than what was causing me to become upset. Focusing on appreciating my dogs, my friends, my peers, the sunshine - whatever makes me happy or changes the way I am currently feeling. There is always a different way of looking at things and when I try to focus on some small change to make me feel happy, the negative feelings go away and my world changes with it.

Focus Forward

One of the first things I teach my agility dogs is to focus forward when I leave them at the start line. That way, I can lead out - ahead and laterally - and they will look ahead at the line of obstacles in front of them.

Schema, Focusing Forward
Image by GreatDanePhotos Copyright 2010 (www.greatdanephotos.com) used with permission

As I sit here tonight with the new year just hours away, I feel like I'm sitting at the start line with my life out ahead of me. I'm focused forward, looking out ahead at all the possibilities the future beholds. It's always fun to feel like starting over with a clean slate. A brand new "run" is starting and expectations are high. I can feel the excitement of what the new year will bring and I know that there will be potential "off courses" as I navigate my way through my 2011 course. These off courses provide me with extra incentive to put my attention back on the things that are wanted in my life.When I cross that finish line at the end of 2011, will it be a perfect run with no refusals, wrong courses, or failures? I doubt it. But, just like my dogs, I plan on still finding joy in my performance rather than dwelling on any of the imperfections of my 2011 "run".

My goals for 2011 are simple. Feel good.

Nothing Better Than Nothing on Birthdays

Day after Christmas - as most people know it, it is craziness at the stories as after Christmas sales start and the masses go out to get a good deal or to return or gifts. This day for me is so much different as it's a day of peace and tranquility. I was born the day after Christmas and I really disliked having a birthday that day when I was growing up. Now, I can't imagine having a better one as an adult. I was no different than most kids in that the things that were the most important to me at that time were the presents and the attention I got from everyone. Because most of my presents from my friends were combined (Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas) and I saw no one but my family on my birthday, I felt that I had "less" of a birthday than most others.

Looking back, now, those were only the years from when I was in elementary school and high school. When I was in college, I started to feel differently about my birthday as I started to appreciate different things in my life - my family, my dogs (yes, I had dogs and horses throughout  my life).

What I love about my birthday now is that nothing is expected (Tom and I don't exchange gifts for Christmas or birthdays anymore) and the day is open to do anything on the spur of the moment. I woke up this morning after spending Christmas Day with my parents and my sister and youngest brother's families.  Such wonderful kids - all so different, and so talented in different ways. They all play competitive sports and all excel in school and I just love them all and enjoy seeing them maturing in their own way. What a great day we had eating good food (love my Mom's spaghetti - NO ONE makes it like she does) as well as many other side dishes made by everyone.

Going from a day of so much busyness into a day like today with so much peace and quiet is the ultimate of balancing for me. I love my time alone with my dogs and Tom and not having to be anywhere. I woke up today to a day with sunny skies and warm temps (relative to December in Minnesota - maybe not to other parts of the country) and the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen. Then after feeding the dogs breakfast, and checking in on Facebook, I see so many people taking the time to post to my wall, wishing me a Happy Birthday. Facebook is such a great community with support, well wishes, and those birthday wishes are really special to everyone that has experienced them.

Now, what to do for the day? I love not having a plan. Some of my fondest childhood memories are spent with my family and making decisions on the fly. As a family, we enjoyed doing things on the spur of the moment - like the time our family was driving back from Colorado visiting my grandparents and we came to a split in the road - home or Yellowstone? We all decided Yellowstone and my Dad just immediately veered off to the west. Other memories are when our family would take drives out into the country after Mass on Sundays.  Dad would go driving further out in the country with the intent of getting completely lost on the back roads and then trying to find our way home (no GPS devices at that time). We always enjoyed the beautiful countrysides and as time went along, it was harder and harder to get ourselves lost.

So, a day of nothing-ness or a day filled with just doing whatever I want to on the spur of the moment. That is just the ultimate for me. I won't know what this day brings until it's over. Just the way I like it.

I hope you enjoy your day after Christmas as much as I plan on enjoying it.